it's my party, and I'll cry if I want to.

I wish I could learn to be content.  I have so much to be thankful for; I have so many things that others don't have.  A house.  A bed.  A job.  A family.  Food.

With all that, I still find myself always wanting more.  A bigger house.  A more comfortable bed.  Not having to work.  Better food.  Different circumstances.

I was having a bad night last night, the kind where I just wanted to get in bed, throw the covers over my head, and forget the world.  My back has been hurting a lot lately, so I decided to try and put a foam pad on top of my mattress.  Andrew went up in the attic and brought it down for me.  It was what I used to sleep on way back when I lived with Lisa in the Washburn's basement apartment.  When we unrolled it, I could see that there was a verse written on it.  1 Corinthians 14:33.  After we put the foam pad and the sheet back on the mattress, I kissed Andrew and tucked myself into bed.  I grabbed my Bible.  It was on the bottom of a pile of books beside my bed.  I flipped to 1 Corinthians, and this is what I read in the 33rd verse of the 14th chapter, "For God is not a God of disorder, but of peace."

Sometimes what I read in the Bible goes, sadly, in one eye and out the other.  Other times, rarely, the words jump out at me from the page and hit me right where I am.  I think God reserves these times for when I'm at my lowest point, when life feels hopeless.  That's what happened to me last night.  I was feeling miserable, trapped in circumstances that I couldn't control.  Everything felt out of sorts, disorderly.  Just when I thought that maybe God had stopped listening, stopped caring, He gave me the verse from 1 Corinthians.  And  with that in mind, I was able to turn out the light and fall fast asleep.

And, because I can, I'll share with you some recent pictures of the tiny love of my life.

1 comment:

  1. Girl, I wish I was closer to come and cheer you up. But Jesus is SO close, and is able to do a much better job than me! :) The fact you even wrestle with these feelings is proof that the Holy Spirit is alive and working within you. Just think, this home is only temporary, and when we lift our eyes to the higher GOAL, every"thing" down here seems so pointless in comparison.

    I also battle with contentment. I have worse in the past than I do now, but I definitely have those days when I just can't be content with where I am or "what" I have. I think it's just sin, and something that everyone struggles with. Let's make a deal... Pray for me, and I'll pray for you ;)


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