he passed his check up

Isaac went to the dentist for the first time today!  It was fun to sit with him on the bench and watch the Dr. work so well with him.  The dentist polished his teeth, painted fluoride on his teeth, and then gave him some excellent prizes for being such a great patient.  He got a balloon, a ball, and of course a new tooth brush.

I'm so proud :)


and I know that it's the devil

I'm reading One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  Last night, I finished chapter four teary eyed.  Something felt so good.  New, refreshing.  I don't know, just good.  The real kind of good that's not tainted.  Authentic.

I put the book down and went into Isaac's room to start the humidifier.

(A few nights ago, Isaac woke up coughing.  It was a scary kind of cough, because he was wheezing each time he drew in a breath.  I got him up and struggled with my night vision eyes to get the humidifier out and working.  When it all was said and done he was just fine, but I've been running the humidifier at night just in case.  Is it ok to put this many sentences inside parenthesis?)

I sat down beside Isaac's crib and looked at his long, thick eye lashes fluttering.  I said a prayer for him and thanked God for him.  After all, that's what the book One Thousand Gifts is about: learning to be truly thankful for everything.

On my way out I felt a sense of peace around me, and was ready to hit the sheets.  Suddenly I saw something I fear greatly: a huge, disgusting spider.  It was on the floor of the bathroom.  I had the light on in the bathroom and the door just cracked.  The light coming through was enough to cast the spider's shadow onto the carpet, making it look exceedingly large and evil.  I stopped in my tracks and drew in a sharp breath.  No.

The spider was a good 10 feet away from me, but I still hugged the wall as I walked past, trying to get even farther away from it.  As I walked in front of it, I felt my heart start to beat faster, and my feet followed suit.  I has my hand on my chest in a fist.  (even as I'm writing this, I'm looking around me to make sure another one isn't lurking.)

I woke up my sweet, sleeping husband.  I felt bad about it.  But, I can't get close enough to a spider to kill it.  Unless of course I am the only one at home, because if I don't kill it I'l be constantly thinking it's made it's way into the same room I'm in and that any minute it will pounce....

....A got out of bed dutifully and made his way to the hall bathroom.  He said, "oh my gosh" on his way to get a shoe.  So, it was big!  It wasn't just my imagination!!  He killed the fiend.

The death of that arachnid did not calm my fear.  I shook out all the blankets, looked in every corner of my room.  I stayed awake for AN HOUR after the incident, because I knew that I couldn't sleep.  What if it's brother came back for revenge?

I know it's stupid.  Really, I do.  We all have our fears, and that just happens to be one of mine.  The thing that gets me is, I know it was the devil. I was finally in a place where I was feeling peaceful.  I was trying to live in the moment and thank God for everything.  How can I thank Him for something that I hate so much?  I can be thankful that the devil putting that spider in my path was a sign that God was working in me - and that the devil didn't like that.  There.  Thank you God, for obstacles like spiders (jerks) who stumble into my path when I'm going the right way.  Thank you that satan sees what you are doing, and doesn't like it, and tries to rattle me.  That must mean that the something you are doing is pretty great.


Everything I Don't Have

More than once a day, I find myself longing for everything I don't have.

I read countless blogs.  They make me long to be that which I am not.

Just a few examples: I wish I lived on a farm.  Seeing pictures of cute, chubby, little hands hold chicks or eggs or gigantic cucumbers from a larger than life, thriving garden in the middle of a picture-perfect field of billowing, golden wheat while being able to hear the babble of a white-blue stream on a sunny autumn day-- this makes me want to live on a farm.  I have never lived on a farm.  As a child I visited a friend of mine who lived in an enormous, old farm house.  We played in big, grassy fields.  We rode her horse, we swung on the tire swing until the sun finally peeled itself out of our grasp and set over the surrounding oak trees.

In reality, I'm too lazy to be a farmer.  I love sleep too much.  I far too afraid of bugs to dig in a garden.  I'm not skilled to cook things from scratch day after day.  I'm just too lazy.

I read blogs of extremely crafty mamas.  How do they do it?  I've tried to do it.  I mean, I made curtains for my son's room.  My son, who doesn't care that the stitching isn't straight or that I ripped that seam open again and again.  Painting, how I wish I could!  But, I cannot.  I don't think I'm patient enough for crafts.

Which brings me to the things I am not.  Energetic.  Patient.  Quick to think the best of someone.  Forgiving.  Hard working.  Diligent.  And everyday I wish I were all of these things.

Lately I've been on a journey to find out who I am.  I know what I am not and what I cannot do.  But who am I?  What can I do?  What is my purpose in this world?  God, why am I here?



Isaac has Roseola!  I remember having it as a kid.

It's a scary virus, because the child has 3-7 days of high fever with no other symptoms (some kids have other symptoms, but mine did not.)  Last night, after days of fever and a fussy child, Isaac's fever just went away.  He was still tired and cranky and not happy, but he was cool.  Even when he woke up at 10:30 and cried till 11:15, he was cool.

This morning he played with dad, ate more breakfast than he had eaten in a long time, and let me change his poopy diaper without much complaint.  Things seemed pretty much back to normal.  Then I noticed some blotchiness around his temples and on his neck.  Upon further inspection (took him into some good light and stripped him down) it's obvious that he has a rash of small, red/white bumps scattered across his entire body, mostly on his chest/back.  He isn't scratching them at all, and as far as I'm concerned he doesn't even know they exist.

Kind of dark, but if you look closely, you can see little spots.  When he wakes up from his nap I'll get one with my real camera (not my phone.)  Just in case it ever happens to your little one, you can compare!  Although, they all probably slightly vary from child to child.

Playing in the cupboard!  First time in days he hasn't been following me around and not letting me put him down.

If you are a mom you can attest to the feeling of great relief you get when something that has had you boggled for a week suddenly becomes clear.  So THAT'S why he had a fever without any other symptoms.  I feel like I am able to breathe normally for the first time since Monday when this all started.  It's not strep throat, it's not some crazy internal thing we can't see.....it's Roseola, which is basically harmless.

Thank you God for answering our prayers.  Thank you for taking care of my favorite 15 month old.  Thank you for doctors, family, and friends who have been there.  Thank you for ibuprofen and luke-warm baths.  Thank you for giving me my energetic, boundary-testing toddler back.


Adventures Continued

Today was a bad day.  I try to find the good in it and I can, but first let me just say that it was all around bad.  There is no sugar coating it.

I picked up the baby from his crib, and he was hot to the touch.  Not just hot where his face was smothered in his lovey, but hot all over.  Hi back, his tummy, his legs, his feet, and his forehead.  He whimpered, and if he could talk I think he would probably say something like, "momma, I hurt."

He had a small fever last night, but I didn't think anything of it because he's getting some teeth, and he's just settling back into the groove of being home and being at Grandma's.  But this morning when the thermometer made an extra loud beep - the beep that cries "WARNING - THIS TEMP IS HIGH" - my heart skipped a beat.  102.1.  No other symptoms.  So, what's going on?

I decided to stay home with him.  He continued to whimper as I changed his diaper, gave him some ibuprofen and a sippy, and turned on some cartoons.  Dad said goodbye and went off to work with a nervous look on his face.  He reassured me before he went, "that temps not too high."

In 15 minutes the temp went down to 101.  Phew.  He went back to sleep for an hour and a half.  Upon awakening, he was still fussy, but cooler, and seemed content to just take it easy.  He drank a little, and ate some applesauce and half a piece of toast with cream cheese on it.  Then came the diarrhea.  As awful as it was, at least it was something to go along with the fever.  Maybe related, maybe not.

After numerous attempts to put him down for another nap he finally fell asleep at 11, and slept until 1.  2 hour nap....what a blessing.  There's one good thing that happened today.

He woke up from his nap crying.  Not just crying.  Screaming.  And burning.  I picked him up and tried to reassure him that it was alright (even though I wasn't sure myself) but he still kept on....and on....and on.  I picked him up because he reached for me - and he immediately arched his back and demanded to be put down.  I put him down, and he reached to be picked up.  I tried to put him in a luke-warm bath, he ran from the bathroom, put his hands against the wall, and banged his head.  He cried harder.  He threw himself on the floor and rolled around.  I tried and tried and tried.....he cried and cried and cried.  Fine.  I'll call the doctor - again.  (I had already talked to a nurse earlier about the high fever, and she told me to push fluids, check for other symptoms, keep up with the ibuprofen, monitor the temp and call her if it got higher than 103 or lasted more than a day)  The person on the other side of the line could barely hear me over Isaac's fussy cries.  She said, "sounds like you should bring him in."  So, we rushed out the door.  10 minutes into our drive Isaac stops crying.  He starts babbling and sideways smiling.

We get to the doctor's office and they get us in right away.  He is an angel.  No crying.  He's hungry (even though he wouldn't eat ANYTHING after his nap for me at home), he's thirsty.  His ears and throat look perfect.  His heart and lungs sound perfect.  He doesn't have a fever.  NOTHING.

What I got was peace of mind.  The doctor told me that there is a viral thing going around, and it might be roseola.  I had that when I was a kid.  A fever for a few days and then a rash and then it's done.  Or he might not get a rash at all.  She told me to push fluids, keep track of his temp every four hours, keep with the ibuprofen or acetaminophen every 6 hours, and call her tomorrow to report how things are going.

I felt foolish.  But I shouldn't.  I got what I needed, peace of mind and heart.  There isn't anything suspicious brewing below the surface.  He just has a fever, and it's not incredibly high, and he's just miserable.  But he's ok.  No crazy ear/throat infections, no stomach issues, no lung issues.

Now I'll talk about the good.  The good things are : 1) we have insurance.  I had the luxury of taking my child to the doctor. 2) we have a car, I was able to get to the doctor 3) I was able to be home with him and be his primary care giver on a day he really needed me. 4) Nothing obviously horrible is wrong with him.

I pray and ask God to give me wisdom and discernment as a mom.  What to do, what not to do....it's all such a nerve wracking and heavy burden to bear.  But He's there.  He understands.  He directs.  He loves.  He protects.  And Isaac is ok.


Isaac took his first plane ride last week.  We flew from Portland to Reno, then from Reno to LA, and on the way back we flew from LA to Oakland, then from Oakland to Portland.  It was kind of stupid to have to make a stop on our way to California, but we took the best deal we could get for the available time that we had.  It was just Isaac and me.  Andrew could not leave work at such a busy time, and the office where I work was already closed.  Again, we did it when we could.

We had a great time seeing my parents, my aunts and uncles, cousins, grandparents, and friends.  I saw some people that I hadn't seen in an extremely long time.

Isaac did remarkably well.  He had a few meltdowns, but for the most part he was very easy going.  We were both very tired when we got home, but it was well worth the trip.


15 Months Young

This is a little late, Isaac turned 15 months on Aug 30.

We went to the doctor for the dreaded weigh in.  I knew that he had grown taller.  Either that or his pants were shrinking in length and the door knob was getting closer to the floor.

He gained 1 pound in 2 months.  Not great, but at least he didn't stay the same or lose.  He grew 2 inches taller! He had 3 shots, yuck, and the next day had the highest fever he's ever had, 102.3.  The nurse assured me he was fine, and she was right.  His fever broke in the middle of the night, and I felt like I could breathe again.

We are getting ready to go to California for a week to visit my family.  Today I've been packing and repacking in between Isaac running around and pulling everything out the suitcase.  I'm nervous, but I suppose we'll survive.

Here's hoping you all have a wonderful week.  I'll have some stories of frustration and excitement when I get back.  Until then!
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