9.24.2011

Everything I Don't Have

More than once a day, I find myself longing for everything I don't have.

I read countless blogs.  They make me long to be that which I am not.

Just a few examples: I wish I lived on a farm.  Seeing pictures of cute, chubby, little hands hold chicks or eggs or gigantic cucumbers from a larger than life, thriving garden in the middle of a picture-perfect field of billowing, golden wheat while being able to hear the babble of a white-blue stream on a sunny autumn day-- this makes me want to live on a farm.  I have never lived on a farm.  As a child I visited a friend of mine who lived in an enormous, old farm house.  We played in big, grassy fields.  We rode her horse, we swung on the tire swing until the sun finally peeled itself out of our grasp and set over the surrounding oak trees.

In reality, I'm too lazy to be a farmer.  I love sleep too much.  I far too afraid of bugs to dig in a garden.  I'm not skilled to cook things from scratch day after day.  I'm just too lazy.

I read blogs of extremely crafty mamas.  How do they do it?  I've tried to do it.  I mean, I made curtains for my son's room.  My son, who doesn't care that the stitching isn't straight or that I ripped that seam open again and again.  Painting, how I wish I could!  But, I cannot.  I don't think I'm patient enough for crafts.


Which brings me to the things I am not.  Energetic.  Patient.  Quick to think the best of someone.  Forgiving.  Hard working.  Diligent.  And everyday I wish I were all of these things.

Lately I've been on a journey to find out who I am.  I know what I am not and what I cannot do.  But who am I?  What can I do?  What is my purpose in this world?  God, why am I here?

2 comments:

  1. Praying for the Holy Spirit to unwrap spiritual gifts planted long ago and open your eyes to all you have to offer. God opens gifts slowly. ;)

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  2. Well, you made a nice list of what you're not. Here's a list of some things that you are:

    Beautiful
    Creative
    Hilarious
    Encouraging
    Good listener
    Smart
    Faithful
    Passionate
    Great at writing
    Musical
    a friend
    a wife
    a mom
    a child of God
    a beloved sister

    Just a short list but you are all these and more. Oh and i made myself stop reading those mommy blogs... you know, the ones by the stay-at-home moms with 4 kids who home school, have a craft business on the side, create their own recipes from their home-grown produce and manage to save 200$ a week in coupons. I felt like a total loser! I have nothing against them--I think they are phenomenal! But if I start feeling bad about my life because of them, that's not a good thing. And I must not be meant to live that life because I just can't seem to do it. I don't know all that God has in store for you but the Bible says one thing that's clear. He has planned good works in advance for you to accomplish for his kingdom. SO look for those opportunities. I love you!!! You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

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