It's a Girl! (and we're half way there)

What a privilege to see the baby that's inside me - thanks to an ultrasound machine. 

She's squirmy and uncooperative - just like me!

At 20 weeks along I'm feeling overall a lot better, but the last few days have been a little rough on me.  Heartburn raging and headaches flaring...I consider it all part of the pregnancy game.  I try not to complain; I know that others have it a lot worse than I do.  This sounds so cliche, but I really am just thankful that every thing is well and good with little baby #2.  The ultrasound tech told me that the baby weighs about 10 oz.

Her dad and I got to peek at her little life, however black and white it was.  It was exciting and shocking and overwhelming and relieving.  It is times like this when I'm especially thankful for technology.

More than that though, I'm thankful for my heavenly father who plans everything just so.  Nothing surprises Him.


Mixed Messages

Faced with a tough decision.

One that I feel has already been made for me.  Maybe even before I was ready.

And now that the decision has been made - I'm unsure.  My gut is messed up.

The doubts that I'm having could be the Holy Spirit, right?  Nudging me in the right direction.

But the doubts could also be from life's circumstances that seem especially tough right now.

Which is it?  How can I tell?  What if I do the wrong thing? 

I'm trying my best to trust in blind faith.  You've always gotten us through before.  I want to take the path that is narrow, is that what I'm doing?


Back from Somewhere Far Away

The grass is still green here.  It is almost all year, except sometimes in August when the sun gets hot enough to sizzle it down to its roots, and some of us don't want to spend money on the water it would take to make it green again.

Green grass doesn't equal blue sky.  I see it sometimes, almost everyday...it peeks through the thick, heavy gray clouds and stays for a minute or so, and then it's gone again.  When it goes, it takes my hope with it. 

Around March I start to hate the rain.  I feel like it has soaked through my very skin and is trying to drown me from the inside out.  Call it seasonal affective disorder, call it depression, cabin fever...what you will. Whatever it is, it makes me want to crawl under the covers and never emerge.

And then comes the snow.  I love snow!  I love snow in the winter, when it's supposed to be there.  I love snow during Christmas time.  But snow at the end of March is almost too much.  It makes me feel like spring, however close it seems on the calendar, is a long way off.

I wonder if this happens to everyone.  Does everyone get down?  Does everyone feel inadequate as a friend, a wife, a mom?  Or is it this rain?  This soup that I'm constantly swimming in - does it bog me down with inside things, like burned toast and past regrets?

I'm waiting for the sun.  I need it.  Just a little.  It sheds light on all my failures and short comings.  It shows me that I'm not good enough, and that's ok. I have help, I have grace, I have forgiveness.  And although this rain feels like it will be here forever, it will not.  In a month or two the weather will warm a bit, and the flowers will freckle the always-green grass.

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