What it Feels Like

...it feels like being a kid again.  Like I'm 10 and she's 16 and we just get to laugh, sing, dance.

At church it felt like a warmth bubbling in my heart when I heard them singing "Old Rugged Cross" beside me.  Looking over and seeing my sister hold my daughter while standing next to my mom -- it felt perfect.

They are gone now and I'm struggling.  Back to their homes, far away.  Despite the sadness that's very real, I'm trying to hold onto the fun times we had and move on like I've always done before.  Move on without them.

My parents, sister, brother-in-law, and nephew came to visit for a few days.  My parents live in California and my sister in Pennsylvania.  They came to welcome Paige into the world, and spend some time with their 2 year old grandson and nephew.  Isaac couldn't have been more thrilled to have live-in visitors for a week and half.  He's miserable now that they're gone (but I know that it will soon pass.)

My mom, Paige, Isaac, and I went to The Pumpkin Patch when it was just her here (she flew in first and the others followed a few days later.)

We got "blue babies" and saw the farm animals.

When my sister, brother-in-law, nephew, and dad arrived, I picked them up from the airport by myself.  It was weird to just get out of the car and go, with no kids to tend to.  It was kind of nice :)

It was nice to have everyone together in my house.

The next day we went to McDonald's and then the park on the water front.

On Monday we just chilled and went to the park.  The boys had fun!

Tuesday we went to the zoo.  It was Paige's and the Furman's first time at the Oregon Zoo.  By the end the boys were tired and hungry, but they did so great!  Paige slept the WHOLE time, strapped to mine and then to my sister's chest.  I think I liked the Zebra best (surprise, surprise.)

Wednesday we just chilled at home.  We played outside in our back yard and enjoyed each others company.

Thursday we went to JJ Jump in Clackamas.  Isaac wasn't thrilled when I pushed him down one of the big bouncy slides, but he had fun in the "5 and under" play room.  My nephew had lots of fun on all the big bouncy castles.  Paige was her sweet, easy going self the whole time.

 Friday we went to The Pumpkin Patch to see the farm animals.  The patch itself wasn't open yet, so we piled back in the car and went 30 seconds down the road to Bella Organic Farm.  They had a free hay maze, a free jumpy castle, and my sister paid for the boys (and me, since Isaac wouldn't go alone) to ride the cow train.  We ate a lunch that we brought with us, and left with some gourds and strawberries.

I took them to the airport the next morning.  It was a tearful goodbye before we left our house.  My nephew didn't want to leave, and I didn't want him/them to leave!  But, we know we will see them again soon and that we can skype with them and talk on the phone.

God is so good to me!  He has given me such loving, generous family. 
I'm so grateful that they spend their vacation time with us.  Until next time :)


Nobody Said it Was Easy

I have so much to say.  I haven't written in a long, long time.  I constantly think of things that I want to write about: experiences I have and the way they tie into my faith, life lessons I have learned and ones I wish I could learn already (!!), new and exciting things happening in my life, etc, etc, etc...

...but there's never any time.  Yes, I am a stay at home mom now.  I've wanted this for a long time.  God has blessed me by making my dream a reality.  With that said, I find that I don't know how to be a stay at home mom.  What do I do with the baby who wants to constantly nurse while I'm trying to change my 2 year old's poopy diaper?  How do I feed both of them, give them baths, entertain them, love them unconditionally, teach them how to live life, comfort them, and be silly with them while making sure that I'm taken care of too?  I've gone 5 days without showering, doubled the amount of laundry because of baby spit up and cloth diapers, and all the while haven't even been able to take a breath and sit down and really connect with my husband for more than 2 minutes.

I don't want you think that I'm complaining.  I'm not.  These are just facts!  Facts that I don't know exactly how to digest.  Some days I'm so sleep deprived and overly stretched that I feel like I can't enjoy anything.  I'm watching the clock waiting till I hear the garage door open, because that means dad is home. 

There are sweet moments here and there, like Isaac finally saying phrases like, "I love you, Mama," and, "Watch me, Mama!"  He's growing up and changing so quickly, and I don't want to miss it because my brain is in a complete sleep deprived fog.

I've wanted to sit down and write out Paige's birth story, but every time there is a free minute there are just so many things to do.  I can only ignore the laundry so long until I have no clean shirts to wear.  I can only ignore the dishes so long until the house starts to stink.  The animals need to eat, the cat needs to be groomed, the bathrooms need to be cleaned.  (Again, just the facts!)

Andrew is a complete God send.  I watch him sometimes, when I snap out of the fog long enough to see clearly what's around me, and he is such a good dad.  He holds the baby while playing with Isaac in the backyard.  He sings to them, he reads books, he does the yard work and he helps with the inside chores, too.  I'm so blessed to have such a willing and selfless husband.  I'm not sure how I would have any kind of sanity without him.

That's all for now.  I hear the baby stirring.  I should have been sleeping, I suppose, but I wanted to feel the keys under my fingers just for a few minutes, if for nothing more than to get a few things out and be able to breathe a little easier.
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