I have so much to say. I haven't written in a long, long time. I constantly think of things that I want to write about: experiences I have and the way they tie into my faith, life lessons I have learned and ones I wish I could learn already (!!), new and exciting things happening in my life, etc, etc, etc...
...but there's never any time. Yes, I am a stay at home mom now. I've wanted this for a long time. God has blessed me by making my dream a reality. With that said, I find that I don't know how to be a stay at home mom. What do I do with the baby who wants to constantly nurse while I'm trying to change my 2 year old's poopy diaper? How do I feed both of them, give them baths, entertain them, love them unconditionally, teach them how to live life, comfort them, and be silly with them while making sure that I'm taken care of too? I've gone 5 days without showering, doubled the amount of laundry because of baby spit up and cloth diapers, and all the while haven't even been able to take a breath and sit down and really connect with my husband for more than 2 minutes.
I don't want you think that I'm complaining. I'm not. These are just facts! Facts that I don't know exactly how to digest. Some days I'm so sleep deprived and overly stretched that I feel like I can't enjoy anything. I'm watching the clock waiting till I hear the garage door open, because that means dad is home.
There are sweet moments here and there, like Isaac finally saying phrases like, "I love you, Mama," and, "Watch me, Mama!" He's growing up and changing so quickly, and I don't want to miss it because my brain is in a complete sleep deprived fog.
I've wanted to sit down and write out Paige's birth story, but every time there is a free minute there are just so many things to do. I can only ignore the laundry so long until I have no clean shirts to wear. I can only ignore the dishes so long until the house starts to stink. The animals need to eat, the cat needs to be groomed, the bathrooms need to be cleaned. (Again, just the facts!)
Andrew is a complete God send. I watch him sometimes, when I snap out of the fog long enough to see clearly what's around me, and he is such a good dad. He holds the baby while playing with Isaac in the backyard. He sings to them, he reads books, he does the yard work and he helps with the inside chores, too. I'm so blessed to have such a willing and selfless husband. I'm not sure how I would have any kind of sanity without him.
That's all for now. I hear the baby stirring. I should have been sleeping, I suppose, but I wanted to feel the keys under my fingers just for a few minutes, if for nothing more than to get a few things out and be able to breathe a little easier.